


Sunshine Of My Life

by NatDeanCas888



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Abusive Relationships, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Castiel Needs Love (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Needs Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags Are Hard, Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23894059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatDeanCas888/pseuds/NatDeanCas888
Summary: Dean is recovering from his past relationship. He is verging on a complete breakdown. He is a mess.Bobby brings a tow into his garage. Dean's life is filled with sunshine and he is happier than he can ever remember being.It's a shame it won't last.Nothing good ever does.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Kali (Supernatural), Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my 2nd attempt at writing a story. Hopefully I will keep this going! Kudos and comments are invaluable to me - please let me know if you like it!

CHAPTER 1  
Pain.  
Intense.   
Throbbing.   
Blinding.   
Pain.  
It was the worst pain he had ever felt. And yet it was very familiar. A friend that he had become accustomed to meeting every day. The pain was his eternal reminder that he was in fact alone. Alive, yes. But alone.  
Sure he had his brother and Bobby. But the reality was he spent the vast majority of his life on his own.  
Groaning, Dean rolled himself out of his bed and staggered to his feet. He could feel his heartbeat pounding right behind his eyeballs. Stumbling his way over to the bathroom, he felt blindly for the light switch and flipped it.  
“SONOFABITCH!”  
Lights off it is then. He flips the switch off and his breath releases like he’s been sucker punched. This is going to be his worst day in a long time. He can feel it. Sighing he squints until he spots what he has been looking for.   
The painkillers rarely worked anymore except to take the edge of what was always a killer hangover. But he liked to believe in the placebo effect. If he didn’t take the pills he wouldn’t be able to function. But once he took them he knew he could push through his day until he could drink again.  
He knew what he was. A barely-functioning, alcoholic. Bobby knew about a small portion of his drinking. Sammy lived in California. He had been sheltered from most of it. That’s the way Dean wanted it. Sam didn’t need to know how far off the reservation Dean had gone. His baby brother was doing good in the world and didn’t need the drama.  
Once he braved the flip of the light switch again, Dean dragged his eyes up to look in the mirror. He blanched. Who the fuck is that?? His stubble was no longer stubble, but a straggly, greasy beard. His cheeks were hallowed and the bags under his eyes were the darkest he had ever seen before.   
Get a grip, Winchester. Get your shit together and get to work.  
Squaring his shoulders, he threw a couple of pills in his mouth and dry swallowed. He set about shaving and showering until he felt some semblance of humanity return.  
Leaving the bathroom, he moved towards his closet. Grabbing some clean boxers, he dressed as quickly as his uncoordinated body would allow. In the kitchen, he zeroed in on his coffee machine.   
Ah, nectar of the Gods. Cure me!  
He filled a travel cup with his favourite coffee and headed out to his car. The ’67 Chevy Impala was the highlight of his life. The black paint shone in the morning sun. He slipped on his shades as he folded his 6ft1 frame into his baby. Gunning the engine he fishtailed off down the street to head to the garage. He did that every morning just to piss off his horrible neighbour Mrs Paxton. She complained about him every day without fail to the neighbourhood watch. It brought a smirk to his face when he remembered her hand written letters calling him a “menace”. Stupid old bag. She brought it on herself.  
The warm Kansas summer sun did little to abate his hangover but he arrived at the garage feeling more positive than he had in months. Opening the shutters and inhaling the comforting smell of motor oil and grease, he smiled to himself. This is his happy place. His only happy place.  
“Yo Bossman!”  
He turned and grinned at his employee. “G’mornin Kev. How’re the books looking for today kid?”  
Kevin flipped through the book and read of the list to Dean. “Uh, just blue Honda to finish up for this morning and the rest are pick up and invoice.” Dean grimaced. Not much in the way of work to keep him busy today. All he could hope for was some call ins.  
“’Kay then! Kev, get started on those invoices and man the phones while I finish the Honda. Might be a quiet day today, so let’s get ahead on that paperwork as much as we can.”  
“Sure thing boss!”  
Dean and Kevin worked well together. Kevin didn’t chat incessantly and didn’t bitch about Dean blasting his music nonstop. Dean finished his coffee and threw his travel cup on his desk. Kevin would know to fill it regularly for him. He knew Dean couldn’t function without his java.   
Dean was elbow deep in the Hondas engine when his cell phone rang. Wiping his hands on his coveralls he answered the call.  
“Hey Bobby, what’s shakin?”  
“Got some work comin’ your way boy.” Bobby was as grouchy as ever. Dean grinned. He loved that old curmudgeon.  
“Great Bobby, what ya got for me?”  
“An old Lincoln Continental crapped out on the highway. Owner got my number from a passerby. I’m on my way to tow it now. Be with ya in about half an hour if you’ve got the space at the garage?”  
“Sure Bobby, bring ‘er in. Got nothing in the books for this afternoon anyways.”  
Bobby grunted in disapproval. “Should I be worried?”  
Dean rolled his eyes. The old man was a worrier. “Nah, man. Just a rare quiet day. Fully booked next week and the week after. Nothin’ to worry about, I promise”  
“Alright then. See you in a while. I want coffee. The good stuff, none of that sweetened crap Kevin drinks. Ya hear me boy?”  
Dean snickered. “One cup of hot, steaming, black-as-my-soul coffee, with your name on it, shall be here waiting for you old man. Thanks Bobby.”  
“Less of the old man crap, ya idjit.”  
They said their goodbyes, and Dean slid his cell phone back into his jeans pocket. He strolled over to Kevin and let him know that Bobby’s tow truck would be arriving soon and tasked the young man with rearranging the cars in the parking lot to make space for the new arrival. Several of the cars had already been collected and Kevin showed him some of the receipts. Dean was proud of the kid’s organisational skills. Before he had come to work at the garage, Dean’s filing system had been a physical representation of his life- a fucking shambles. Kevin had some in and within a week things had improved immeasurably.   
Dean strolled over to his coffee machine (identical to the one in his home- God forbid he go without good coffee) and set about making Bobby’s. Soon he could hear the trundling sounds of the tow truck in the air. Dean dropped the keys of the Honda on Kevin’s desk and told him to finish up the last bits and move it to the parking lot.  
The truck pulled into the parking lot and Dean looked at the car on the truck bed. A Lincoln Continental Bobby had said. He had not said that it was a full on pimp-mobile. Jesus Christ. He let out a huge belly laugh. “Bobby man! You got ladies turnin’ tricks for ya?”  
Bobby came around the truck and eyed Dean. “You really fancy yourself the comedian dontcha?”  
“Come on man look at this thing! It’s ridiculous. You told the owner I don’t fix hydraulics right?”  
“Tell him yourself, he’s sitting in the truck smartass.”  
Dean cringed. Great, now this guy probably thinks Dean is the biggest asshole in the world. He clears his throat. “Hey, sorry-that was really unprofessional of m-“  
His breath caught in his throat. The bluest eyes he had ever seen were staring at him through the open window of the truck. The door creaked open and then Dean felt his heart thump extra hard.  
“I bought that car when I was 17. It was all I could afford. It has sentimental value.” Good God his voice-it’s like sex on toast.  
Bobby was unloading the car off the truck. “Dean understands sentimental value Mr Novak. ‘S why I brought you here.”  
Dean was gaping at this man. He knew he was. But God he was beautiful. Like unearthly beautiful. Winchester! Get. A. Grip. Do your job and fix this man’s car and stop staring at him like a goddamn freak of nature!  
“S-sorry Mr Novak. My name is Dean Winchester. Tell me what happened with your car while Bobby gets her set up and I will try my best to bring her back to life.”  
“Castiel”  
Dean frowned. Did he miss something? It sounded like a foreign word or a sneeze or-  
“My name. It’s Castiel.”  
“Well that’s a mouthful. Mind if I call ya Cas?”  
The man tilted his head and squinted those blue eyes of his. He was easily 6ft tall. His inky black hair stood on end like the man has run his fingers through it and pulled. He was the most stunning man Dean had ever laid eyes on. He’s better looking than Benny-NO. Uh uh. Move away from that train of thought.  
“No one has ever called me that before.”  
Dean steeled himself. “Sorry I’-“  
“It’s fine Dean. I like it. It’s better than most of if not all of my previous nicknames.” The man smiled briefly at Dean. Dean’s heart was thudding like crazy in his chest.   
“Okay!” Dean clapped his hands together and smiled at Cas. “Fill me in-what happened?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about cars. Apologies!  
> Please leave kudos or comments or both!

Chapter 2

Cas was talking in his gravelly voice explaining how his car had chugged to a stop on a busy freeway, and Dean was staring again. He couldn’t help himself. The man was gorgeous. Luckily Dean didn’t need much information to work out what had happened. One quick look under the hood has showed him exactly what had occurred.

“So, your radiator had a crack in it and when the car overheated, the pressure built – and well it went boom.” Dean glanced up at Cas and hoped he wasn’t annoyed at the oversimplification. The man tilted his head and a frown appeared.

“Does that mean it cannot be fixed?”

Dean smirked at Bobby over his shoulder and then faced Cas. “Ain’t had nothin’ through here yet that I couldn’t fix!” Dean stood and leaned against the bumper of the Lincoln. “It might take a week or so, some of these parts need replacing. I’ll have to order them online because of the age of the car. It might get pricey, but I will do my very best to get the cheapest deal for you. Sound ok?”

Cas shifted from one foot to the other. “ I wasn’t planning on stopping here, but I suppose I can stay at a motel while you fix it.”

Bobby grunted as he hoisted himself into his truck. “You should look in the front office. Boy behind the desk can get you motel info. Dean, I’ll see you Sunday for dinner. No excuses.” With that, the truck trundled off out onto the street.

Cas shifted uncomfortably. “I’d better go get that information…”

Dean nodded. “Kevin will find you somewhere nearby. He’s local he knows the people who run the joints. He’s a good kid.” He pointed to the door to the main office. “He’s right through there.”

Castiel bobbed his head gratefully and walked over towards the door. Dean shook his head to stop himself staring and focused on the mess in front of him.

***

Dean was covered in grease and grime and exhausted when he heard Kevin yell that he was heading home.

“Hey kid, you get Cas a place to stay?”

Kevin trotted over to the sink where Dean was attempting to scrub the worst of the grease off him hands. “Yeah boss, got him a few nights at the Stag Inn. Place is cheap but cheerful and best of all clean.”

Dean chuckled. “Thanks kiddo. See you tomorrow.”

Kevin headed off as Dean shut off the lights and locked up his garage. He was starving. But he knew there was nothing even vaguely appetising in his refrigerator. He thought briefly about ordering take out before settling on going to the Roadhouse. He gathered his keys and headed towards his baby.

As he pulled the Impala into the parking lot of the Roadhouse he spotted a familiar looking trenchcoat. He put baby into park and got out of the car quickly. He cupped his hands around his mouth. “HEY CAS!”

The man visibly jumped and dropped something. His eyes were wild as his head whipped from side to side looking for the voice that yelled his name.

Dean jogged up to where the man was standing. “Uh hey, sorry I scared you man. You grabbing some food?”

Castiel’s shoulders relaxed and the man took a deep breath when he saw Dean next to him. “Good evening Dean. You scared me. I though Lu- I thought I was in danger. Yes I thought I would try the food here. Kevin recommended it to me this afternoon.”

Dean grinned. “Aw man, you have no idea! The food here is awesome. Best burgers in the state! And the pie is to die for. Come on, we can grab a table together if you want? Or maybe you just wanna grab your food and go? I mean it’s totally up to you but I wouldn’t mind the company…” He trailed off as he realised he was rambling. Good way to make a fool of yourself asshole, he thought angrily.

Cas smiled at Dean. “Yes thank you. I hate eating alone.”

“Cool.” Dean pushed open the door of the Roadhouse and strolled over to his favourite booth, delighted that it was free. The bar was busy, but not full on crazy yet. He sat in the booth and Cas slid in opposite him. Dean flagged down the waitress and placed his order. A triple XL cheeseburger, large coke and a slice of apple pie. Cas stared at him seemingly flabbergasted.

“What? I’m a growing boy!” he said shamelessly. He had a huge appetite and he was kinda proud of it.

“Clearly.” Cas glanced briefly at the menu and then sighed. “I’ll take the triple XL cheeseburger too. Just water to drink thanks.” He handed the menu to the waitress and she sauntered off to the kitchen to place their orders.

“What, no pie? Cas I’m a little disappointed.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I believe the “triple XL cheeseburger” may actually cause my arteries to be blocked so no pie today. Maybe if I survive, I’ll get some another day.”

Dean sniggered at the use of air quotes. This guy was too cute for his own good. Time to do a little digging.


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little longer than the last one! Hope it's enjoyable!!

Dean and Cas chatted amicably over their food. Dean found out that Cas was moving to Kansas from Texas. His job had offered the transfer to him and he had jumped at the chance to leave Texas. Dean had surmised from Cas’ body language that Texas held some bad memories for him and swiftly changed topic to Kansas.

“So where will you be working?” Dean asked, while stroking his overstuffed stomach. _Man, I must be getting old if I’m struggling this much. Crap. Better not get indigestion from this._

Cas took a swig from his long necked bottle of beer. Dean found his eyes drawn to Cas’ throat as the man swallowed. “I will be able to work from home 4 days a week. But I have to head into company HQ on Fridays to attend board meetings and give report analysis. I was hoping to rent an apartment in the city so I wouldn’t have to rely on my car so much, but the rents are huge.”

Dean nodded. He had heard from Charlie how bad the housing crisis was in the city at the moment. She was on four different shortlists to rent rooms but had no guarantee of getting one and was still stuck living with ‘the grossest men in human history’. Dean had offered her room and board in his home many times but she had refused. Charlie loved the hustle and bustle of the city and hated living too far out. But maybe Dean could help Cas out. The guy seemed genuine, he had a steady job, plenty of money clearly if he wanted that monstrosity of a car fixed, and he didn’t seem like he valued the city’s club scene like Charlie.

“You know, I might be able to help you out Cas. I live about a half hour from the city and I have spare rooms I’ve been meaning to rent out. My Dad left me his house and the mortgage is a huge pain to pay on my own. You’d be helping me out too.” Dean conveniently left out the part where John had drank himself stupid, got behind on the mortgage repayments and then fucked off leaving Dean to pick up the pieces.

The black haired man tilted his head and squinted gently at him. “Dean, you barely know me. You would be willing to just let me move in with you?”

“Sure Cas. I’m a pretty good judge of character. Just pay your rent on time and tidy up after yourself and we’re golden. Be nice to have some company too.” _Might stop me drinking until I pass out every night if I have someone to entertain – or a pay of eyes to judge me at least._

Those damn eyes were staring at him again. He got so lost in them he missed what Cas said next.

“Huh?”

“I said ok. As long as I can check it out before I sign anything. Would that be amenable to you Dean?”

“Yes! I mean sure, great. Hey, you wanna come by now and check it out? That way you can decide for definite and move in tomorrow if you want save keeping your stuff in storage for longer?” _Jesus dude! Calm the fuck down before you scare the guy off._

“That sounds ideal.” Cas stood and threw $40 on the table. “Shall we?”

Dean scrambled to stand and led the way over to Baby. Unlocking her and sliding in he waited for Cas and the gunned the engine and headed towards his home.

The silence was palpable in the car. Dean began to panic. _I should talk. He thinks I’m a murderer. Probably has 911 on speed dial ready for when we pull over. God think Dean, think! Say something you moron!_

“Uh, so the house is all on one level. 3 bedrooms and one bathroom, so we would have to share. My bedroom is at the back of the house so you would have 2 rooms to choose from. There’s a mid-sized room at the front next to the kitchen, or there’s a bigger room next to mine. Kitchen was refurbished last year and there is a pretty huge TV in the living room.” Dean could feel sweat forming on his brow as he babbled.

He turned Baby down his street driving respectfully for once. No need for Cas to know how much the Winchesters were hated by the neighbours. He smoothly pulled into his driveway and put Baby into park.

“So…uh…this is it. Home sweet home. Shall we?” His head turned towards the beautiful but completely silent man next to him. Cas was staring at the house with all the intensity he had given Dean earlier.

“I never asked how much.”

“Oh dude it’s way cheaper than the city. I was thinking like $300 a month and that would include any bills that arise…”

Cas started and whipped his head around to stare at Dean. “That’s far too little Dean. The mortgage repayments alone on somewhere like this would be triple that. I won’t accept your offer to move in unless you allow me to pay at least $500.”

Dean was stunned. That amount of money a month might get him out of arrears quicker than he had ever hoped. He could feel his mouth moving but no sounds coming out. Cas shoved the door open and stood next to Baby. “I would like the tour now please.”

As Dean strode, completely dumbstruck towards the front door, another thought struck his already overloaded mind. _OH FUCK! When the hell did I clean up last??_

“Uhh…don’t mind the mess. I’m usually very tidy. Just haven’t had the time-“

“Dean, it’s fine. Just show me the room.”

Dean took a deep breath in and swung the door open and strode in with a confidence he didn’t possess. He flicked on the hallway light and led Cas towards the back of the house. He pointed at one door.

“My room. This one next to it used to be my brother Sam’s room but he took most of his crap with him when he moved. There’s a king sized bed and chest of drawers.”

Cas walked in the second door he had pointed to and turned on the lights. He stood in the middle of the room and turned slowly eyes sweeping over every corner of the room. “I’ll take it.”

Dean gawped at the man. “Seriously?”

“Yes Dean. But for five hundred. No less. No arguments. And I would like to go get my stuff from the motel now so I can sleep here tonight. I know Kevin said it was clean but there was mold on the wall and I would rather not stay there any longer than I have too.” He pulled out a huge wad of cash from his pocket and counted off a number of bills. “First, last and security deposit.” He handed the cash to Dean who felt like he was in the middle of the weirdest fever dream he had ever had.

He watched as Cas pulled out his phone and pressed a few buttons. “I’ve ordered an Uber to take me to the motel to grab my stuff. Will you still be here when I get back?”

Dean shook himself out of his stupor. “Yeah I will. I’ll leave you a set of keys by the door just make sure to lock up when you come back in.”

“No problem at all. Thank you Dean. You’re a very kind man.” With that, he turned and walked up the hallway and out the front door to wait for his Uber.

Part of Dean wanted to take Cas himself but he realised he had just been handed a lifeline. Once Cas was at the door, he ran to the living room and grabbed as many empty bottles as he could before dumping them into the trash can outside. It took six turns before the living room was clear. He ran to the kitchen and did a quick survey. Two more handfuls of bottles later and the kitchen was clear too. He was very aware that Cas would be returning any minute now and he wanted to do a quick sweep of the bedroom. No point in letting Cas see how bad that room was. He grabbed duffel bag and stuffed it full of empty beer and liquor bottles and picked up some trash and left over take away containers. He scrambled outside and dumped them into the trash can praying that it could hold everything. Finally he stumbled back inside the house. He did a cursory wipe down of surfaces and then headed back to his room. He dug out his spare house keys and threw them on the credenza in the hallway and then staggered towards his bed. The smell of stale beer wafted up to his nose.

_When the hell did I change these sheets last? They smell like death. Ugh._

He grunted as he stood and dug out a fresh set of sheets. He heard the front door open and close as he struggled with the clean sheets that did not want to go on his bed. Growling slightly he overpowered the stupid sheet and won the battle of the bed. He collected the dirty sheets and walked out of his room with the intention of throwing on a wash. He stopped and gathered a few more bits of laundry he had abandoned over the last number of days.

He set the load on for an intensive wash and he could hear Cas pottering around his room. For the first time in months, Dean lay down in bed completely sober. He was sure he would lie awake for hours and need a midnight trip to the liquor store, but surprisingly he fell asleep almost immediately.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a vivid nightmare.

_Dean sat on the broken dusty brown sofa with his hands clasped behind his head as the thundering footsteps approached him. The sound sent shivers of terror through his very core and he tried to fold himself as small as possible to await the onslaught._

_“My son….My oldest goddamn soon is a fucking homo” John’s furious voice fills the room as though it is a living entity, squashing itself into the very corners and crevices and permeating through Dean’s body. His terrified shivering intensifies. This is bad. So bad. Thank God Sammy is visiting his friends._

_“Imagine my disgust, the pure horror of returning home, expecting to see my sons doing homework or watching TV or….ANY GODDAMN NORMAL ACTIVITY A BOY SHOULD BE DOING….when I walk through the front door of MY OWN FUCKIN HOME and I see my firstborn….my former fuckin pride n’ joy… with his mouth…”_

_Dean quakes. He hadn’t meant it. Aaron was just a friend. That’s all. Maybe he can explain it to John. Tell him it was an accident..or…or that it won’t happen again. He’s not gay. He just had an urge and that was the quickest way to get rid of it. It only happened once…this week….a handful of times overall…..he’s not gay.._

_“Boy. Explain to me RIGHT FUCKIN NOW why the hell you had your mouth on that homo’s cock!”_

_Dean sits up eyes closed. He has to face John to make him understand. He opens his eyes but can’t bring himself to look his father in the eye. He stares at John’s chin and his mouth opens. No words form and nothing comes out. He tries again. His eyes nervously flicker around John’s face and he accidentally makes eye contact. The fury emanating from his father freezes him. His heart feels like a frozen slab of meat in his chest. He can feel his mouth snap shut as his body goes on strike._

_The first punch hits him square in the face and his body is flung backwards into the sofa. The pain hits him a few seconds later as he belatedly realises that John is releasing his rage on his body. Reflexively, he curls up into a ball as hit after hit pummels him. The pain is leaving him breathless…he can’t breathe….he wonders briefly if this is what it feels like when you die…_

Dean wakes, shuddering and sweating profusely. Goddamn nightmares. He doesn’t have them when he drinks. First night he goes to bed without them and BOOM. Back with a vengeance. Slowly he sits up running his hand through his hair, only to find that it’s soaked in sweat. He glances at his alarm clock and decides that it’s time he got his ass up for work anyway. Groaning and shaking slightly, he gathers his clothes and heads to the shower. As he pushes on the bathroom door he hears movement from the spare room next to him. Cas is awake then. He shoves the door closed behind him and yanks open the shower door. It vaguely resonates in the back of his mind that the lack of hangover this morning is delightful but the nightmare has shaken him and he just wants to get rid of the memories he feels clinging to his skin.

The water beats down on his back and Dean takes several deep breaths to calm himself. He has to face Cas at some point and he doesn’t want to be a snivelling wreck. Outside the bathroom he can hear Cas moving around the kitchen and it helps to ground him. For once he is not alone. He can take comfort in the fact that John isn’t here.

When Dean enters the kitchen he sees Cas sat at the table with a mug of coffee in his hands and a seriously pissed off look on his face. The crazy bed-head hair is giving Dean thoughts. Bad thoughts. _Nope. Not going there. Focus Dean. Get coffee then small talk. Normal, human interactions._

He pours his own coffee and stands with his back against the countertop as he faces Castiel.

“Mornin’ sunshine. How was your first night at Chez Winchester?”

Cas grunts and drinks deeply from his mug. He turns slowly to look Dean in the eye and lowers his mug. “Busy. It took me quite a while to unpack and set up the bed. The mattress is quite comfortable so I slept well.”

Dean smirks. “Memory foam dude. Best there is.”

“Well it worked. Slept like the dead until I heard shouting coming from your neighbour’s house.”

Dean’s blood runs cold. The neighbour’s house closest to them is empty. Has been for months, since Mr Fletcher died. His kids were locked in a legal battle to see who had rights to it. Cas hadn’t heard shouting from there. Which means Dean had been shouting. Oh joy.

“Uh, no.”

Cas does the weird head tilt thing which eases some of the tension from Dean’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry?”

Dean huffs a deep breath out and then in. “You didn’t hear the neighbours. You heard me. Sorry man. Weird dreams. Gotta stop eating cheese before bed.” His grin is forced and he hopes it’s enough to end the conversation.

“Oh. Must have been an intense dream you were having. Sounded like someone was being tortured.” Cas is staring at him again. He can feel that stare piercing through his bullshit bravado.

“I don’t remember it much. Probably dreaming about Episodes I-III of Star Wars. Terrible movies.”

Cas looks puzzled. “I don’t know those.”

Dean gapes at him. “Have you seen Star Wars?”

“No.”

A bubble of laughter works its way up through Dean’s chest and he relaxes as Cas looks on quizzically.

“Well that’s our evenings’ plans sorted. You, me, pizza and Star Wars. What time will you be home?”

Looking at his watch Cas stands and gathers his things. “Probably 6 or 6.30. If my car holds up to the journey.” He smirks at Dean as he leaves the kitchen and heads to the front door. “See you later Dean. And thank you. Really. You don’t know how much this means to me.” The ocean blue eyes are filled with gratitude and Dean feels his heart clench in his chest.

“Later Cas.” The front door closes with a soft snap and Dean sags against the counter. The bravado had sapped his energy and even his coffee wasn’t hitting the mark.

He glances at his watch and discovers that it’s later than he thought. He jogs to his room and grabs his keys and phone before grabbing his jacket. A weather notification popped up when he lifted the phone warning of heavy rain for later. He turns and heads out the door locking it behind him and sliding into Baby with a happy sigh. Driving her was his therapy. He guns the engine and ignores the dirty look from the old hag across the street as he speeds off to work.


	5. chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More nightmares of the homophobic kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kudos guys! keep them and the comments coming :)

The rain was incessant. All afternoon it had beaten down on the city and the surrounding areas. More notifications came through on the weather app warning people of torrential rain and the possibility of flash floods. All in all it meant a busy afternoon for Bobby and his tow truck as people wanted out of the rain ASAP. Dean also had a busy afternoon and the waiting room actually ran out of coffee by the end of the day. He made a mental note to buy some on the way to work as he rolled down the security shutters and locked up the garage for the night.

He raced towards Baby with his jacket over his head. Even 10 seconds in the rain had been enough to soak him. He shook his head like a dog and checked his phone. The battery had died and he had forgotten to bring his charger with him. He figured it was around 7pm. Kevin had said he was leaving around 6pm.

He was distracted as he drove home, wondering if Cas was back yet, and if he would be one of those freaks who had pineapple on pizza. _Ewww Jesus Christ. Even thinking about it is makin’ me wanna puke._

The glare of oncoming lights brought him back with a jolt. A car in the other lane was struggling to go in a straight line due to the excess water on the street. The swerving car swings by Baby narrowly missing her side mirror and Dean swears loudly as he slows to a crawl. Getting Baby home in one piece was more important than making it home fast.

Eventually he turned up the side street that would take him to his house. The wiper blades were working overtime as he crawled up the street. The rain has gotten decidedly heavier in the last 10 minutes and Dean was not enjoying the drive. He turned into his driveway and noticed Cas’ car wasn’t there. _Crap should check my phone for messages- maybe he got stuck in the city-_

As he put Baby in park and yanked out the keys ready to sprint for the front door a small movement caught his eye. There was a tan lump sitting on his porch. A tan lump with dress shoes.

“Cas?CAS? Is that you man? What happened to your keys?” Dean raced over to the door managing to hop the huge puddles and only lightly soak his feet. He scrambled to get the front door key in and turned. He used his shoulder to shove the door open as he turned back to the tan lump. Cas stood and slowly made his way towards Dean. As he got closer, Dean noticed that his legs were shaky and his lips were blue. _FUCK! How long was he out here? What the fuck happened? Where is the car? Did it crap out on him? Jesus, is this my fault?_

“H-h-h-hello Dean…” Castiel is shaking so hard, Dean is surprised he’s stood upright. Dean grabs his arm and yanks him into the hallway of the house and slams the door on the thundering rain.

“What the fuck happened man? Did you forget your keys? What happened the Lincoln?” Dean was pulling Cas towards the bathroom as he rapid fired questions at him. He striped the tan coat off Cas’ head and threw it in the clothes hamper. He turned and grabbed some towels off the heated rack on the wall.

“N-n-no. I h-had my k-keys. They’re on m-my key ring. C-car is at work.” Dean gestured at Cas to take off his shirt as he held out a large warm towel for him.

“That’s not really an answer to what happened Cas.”

With a deep sigh he removed his shirt and undershirt and threw them in the hamper. He took the towel from Dean and wrapped it around his shoulders and slumped heavily on the toilet seat.

“I-I had quite a day. I believe I lost my keys when I was walking up 8 flights of stairs with documents as the elevator was out. Then I stayed late to get everything up to scratch for tomorrow and the power went out. Once the doors to the parking lot closed behind me I realised I had no keys or fob to get back inside. I got the bus home and was hoping you would be home before me. So I ended up waiting…”

“Shit Cas, I’m sorry we had a crazy busy day with the rain and then I was afraid my car would get damaged so I drove home real slow. Think I have another set of keys somewhere I’ll leave them outside in case this happens again. You should take off your pants before you get pneumonia.”

Cas nodded and stood and shucked off his shoes. He had to practically peel his trousers off his legs and Dean’s eyes were drawn towards the wet, tanned, muscular thighs before him. Almost immediately his eyes were drawn to the ludicrously neon green underwear. “Dude, really?”

Cas looked down and grunted briefly as he tried to free his feet from his socks. “Usually orange.”

“Huh?”

“I usually wear orange underwear. It’s been good luck for me. Clearly today was not the day to try and change that.”

Dean threw his head back and roared with laughter. Lucky Orange underwear. This guy was awesome. He threw another towel at Cas and gathered the wet clothes to throw in the washer. Once he got the clothes in the washer he noticed his own were pretty damp. He stripped to his boxers and threw everything in together. On his way back to his room he grabbed the cordless phone and pressed 2 on speed dial.

“Cas? Pizza order- quick!”

“Anything meaty – no pineapple or anchovies!”

“Sweet!”

Dean placed the order and threw on some fleecy sweats and thick socks. He remembered his hoodie was in the living room so he threw on a tee.

When he entered the living room, he did a double take. Cas was slouched on the sofa in Dean’s big grey hoodie, his black hair standing on end where he had dried it with a towel. His ocean-blue eyes caught Dean’s as he mumbled his apologies. “Sorry, but I’m cold and my warm clothes haven’t made it here yet, and this looked too cosy to resist….so….sorry.”

Dean snickered. “Don’t worry man, I get it. Pizza will be here in 10 and I was about to set up Star Wars but I think you’ve had a rough enough day. How about some mind numbing episodes of Dr. Sexy?”

Cas looked relieved. “Thank you Dean. I will probably end up asleep as soon as the pizza hits my stomach anyways. “Thank you Dean. I will probably end up asleep as soon as the pizza hits my stomach anyways.”

Dean flopped on the sofa next to Cas and their knees ended up touching almost the entire time, with both men too exhausted to move. When the bell rang announcing the pizza had arrived, Cas grunted and heaved himself up and down the hall to grab the pizza, before Dean’s brain had removed itself from the image of Dr Sexy and Dr Piccolo in the storage room at the hospital.

Dean’s stomach grumbled loudly as the smell of the Meat Feast Pizza hit his nostrils. They both scarfed the food down quickly and relatively quietly as they became re-engrossed in the programme before them.

****

_He was hiding again. He always had to hide when John got this drunk. He was in his wardrobe hiding behind his bag of old sweaty gym gear. He kept his breath low and slow. He could hear John smashing up the house looking for him. The noise was getting closer and Dean could feel his heart hammering in his chest._

_The sudden lack of noise was shocking. He heard the creak of a floorboard outside his wardrobe and he froze. Even if Dad opened the wardrobe he shouldn’t see Dean. He was safe here._

_Dean saw slivers of light widen as the wardrobe door was opened. A few seconds passed and Dean held his breath and tried to stay small and hidden. He felt like his hammering heart was a give-away._

_The doors began to close and the slivers of light had almost disappeared, when it happened. His stomach (which had been empty for days) had gurgled. The door whipped open with enough force to tear it from its hinges and Dean began screaming as a large hand fisted itself in his hair and pulled him headfirst from his hiding spot._

_“You little shit! You think you can hide from me? I am your father. I OWN YOU!” John dragged the struggling teenager down the hallway to the front yard. He dumped him on his knees and whipped off his belt._

_“Stand up. Bend over. Grab your ankles. If you’re gonna act like a faggot, I’m gonna beat you like one.” Dean stayed on his knees and stared up at his father fearfully. There’s no way John was gonna beat him in full view of the neighbours. The large hand yanked at the hair on his head and he screeched in pain and staggered to his feet. Fuck Dad was really drunk. Fuck fuck fuck._

_The whoosh of air a split second before the impact was his only warning. He had no time to prepare and his ass had taken the full impact of John’s wrath. He could feel blood running down his thigh from where the buckle had split him. He could hear an animal far away screaming in pain. It got louder and louder with each hit of the belt- until he realised the noise was coming from him-_

“DEAN!”

His heart was jack hammering away in his chest and he could almost feel the phantom pains in his ass. His throat felt hoarse almost as if-

“Jesus, Dean you were screaming like your life depended on it! Are you Ok?” Cas was staring at him from his kneeling position on the floor by the couch.

He coughed and leaned forward with his head between his knees taking deep breaths to calm himself. An acrid smell caught in his nostrils and his eyes snapped open. The large damp patch on his crotch spoke for itself. He had pissed himself. In front of Cas. Whilst screaming like a god damned lunatic. Fuck.

“’M sorry Cas. Please leave me alone. I promise I’ll explain another time. You should go to sleep…”

He felt a large hand on his head and panic gripped his heart and left him breathless. He was pretty sure if he hadn’t already pissed himself then he would’ve now. But the large hand caused no pain. Instead it stroked his hair softly and calmed him more and more with each soft stroke.

“Dean, you took care of me this evening. It’s only fair that I do the same. You don’t have to tell me but you do need to shower and change ok?” Dean nodded and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and dragged down to the bathroom. He stood numbly with his hands over his crotch as if he could hide his shame from Cas. He heard the shower start and Cas placed his hand on Dean’s shoulders.

“Ok Dean. You can do this. I’ll be right outside ok?” Cas backed out the door and it clicked closed. Dean knew he needed to get naked and wash. He knew it would take 2 steps to get clean again. But he could still hear John smashing the house, could still feel the pain in his ass from the beating. His eyes filled with tears and he just let them fall as he stood frozen in place. It felt like his brain was caught in limbo and he couldn’t do a thing about it.

A soft knock, then Cas let himself back in. “I’m just gonna grab your sweats and- oh-“ Dean felt himself pulled into a tight hug. He allowed himself to melt into it as his tears flowed even more freely.

“Dean? I’m gonna take off your sweats. That’s it. You can keep your boxers on till you get in the shower. Is that ok? You need to answer either yes or no for me.”

“Y-yes…”

Cas pulled back and dropped to his knees whipping the sweats down Dean’s bowlegs as quick as humanly possible. He grabbed and lifted each ankle in turn to pull off the sweats before gently pushing Dean into the shower and turning his back.

“Now, take off your boxers and hand them to me. I promise I won’t look.”

“C-Cas you don’t have to do this…”

“I know. But I want to. So come on Mr” Cas snapped his fingers “Gimme those boxers.”

Dean managed a watery smile as he peeled the soiled article from his body and held it out for Cas to take. Cas snagged them and marched out of the bathroom as Dean began to scrub at himself as his brain was freed from limbo. He was drying off with a towel when Cas appeared again with fresh clothes.

“Here Dean. I raided your closet. There’s a new wash on with some of my other laundry and I threw my clothes into the dryer.”

“Thanks Cas.”

Dean got dressed quickly and went to the living room. He needed to check the couch for damage.

“I, uh, already cleaned that too.” Cas sounded nervous now.

Dean sighed and sat on the dry end of the couch while pointing at the recliner chair. “Cas, man. Sit. I need to explain some stuff to ya. Probably should have done this before asking you to move in.”

Cas sat stiffly in the recliner. “Dean, it’s ok you can tell me anything.”

“Ok. Ok. Here goes nothin’. When I go to sleep, I have dreams where my Dad finds me in a compromising position with another guy. Then he beats me with his hands or his belt. Tonight I was hiding from him and my stomach gave away my hiding spot so he dragged me outside and whipped my ass in front of the neighbours. That night was the only other night that I remember pissing myself.” Dean chances a look at Cas and is briefly disturbed by the stony face he sees.

“These dreams…. Are memories? They really happened to you?” Dean nods and looks back at his hands as they twist and grasp at the fabric of his tee.

“How old were you?”

“Uh 16 when he found me and Aaron.”

“Jesus. Dean how often do you have these dreams?”

“Uh I’ve only had 2 recently. I used to drink. A lot. And self-medicate.”

“Promise me you won’t do either of those things. Ever again.”

“I can’t promise that Cas. I can try but I can’t promise. This house is too full of memories and it gets real hard to stay in the present sometimes.”

“Fine then it’s my job to ensure you don’t.”


End file.
